Journey Vergara

Students pose for a polaroid

High school has always been known as the “golden years,” the time in your life when you’re constantly seeing and meeting new people. So then why does it seem so difficult to make genuine, long-lasting friendships?

Forming friendships is something I’ve been struggling with recently, especially now that I’m a junior. My high school experience is almost over, and I wonder if I’ve really made it worth it. I’ve always heard stories from family members about the lifelong friends they made in high school. My grandparents still keep in contact with their old classmates, in fact, my grandma just went to her 52nd high school reunion last year. And I wonder if I’m going to get that. Am I going to show up at my high school reunion in 20 or 30 years and be recognized, am I going to be remembered by my classmates?

I’m a person that knows a lot of people on campus. I like talking to different classmates and I like being friendly. I believe that forming meaningful connections with others is one of the best things we as humans can do. But I’ve noticed the friends you make in school generally fall under two categories: “convenience” friends and “inconvenience” friends.

Convenience friends are people you’re only friends with when you’re at school, they’re your classmates and seat partners. You became friends with them because you saw them every day. But once the year is over and you no longer have that class together, suddenly it’s like you two are complete strangers. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some people are only in our lives because of proximity. There are people we never would’ve sought out unless they were conveniently in our class, or at our job.

This concept is something that has been studied in psychology called the Proximity Principle  (also known as the Proximity Effect.) This idea suggests that people are more likely to form relationships with each other when they spend more time with each other and are in closer proximity to each other.

But what if you want more than that?

Inconvenience friends are people you also might’ve met because they happened to be where you are. But once you no longer have class together, or one of you moves, or someone goes off to college, the friendship doesn’t stop. The friend will go out of their way to support you and be there for you, even when it’s no longer convenient for them. Regardless of where you both are in your life, you make the friendship work, you never stop being friends.

The struggle to form meaningful relationships is a common issue for many people, Marley Gulline, a junior at Roosevelt shares her experience with making friends at school.

“We’re in a very big school, we’re all kind of separated,” Gulline said. “We have two separate lunches, we have three different pep rallies. So it’s very hard to kind of meet everybody.”

With as big of a school as Roosevelt is, there needs to be a lot of division in order for things like lunches and rallies to run smoothly. But there’s also a noticeable divide among students as a whole. Another junior at Roosevelt, Jony Bernal, comments on how he’s noticed students tend to interact with each other.

“I’ve noticed that a lot of people like to spread rumors and hatred, there’s a lot of division. Everybody knows where certain people hang out at, there’s places that are a lot more crowded than others.”

Students on campus tend to go against each other, sometimes without realizing it, we all have certain opinions and certain biases. But at the end of the day, we’re all just people, we’re all searching for the same thing.

Another difficulty is that students tend to have designated friend groups, or specific spots they hang out at, once people establish that they don’t want to change it.

“I’ve been in groups, or I’ve seen groups, and I can tell nobody knows each other on a deeper level,” Bernal said. “Groups that have been together longer I can tell have less amount of trust towards others, they tend to stick by themselves and not let anybody in.”

Jony Bernal posing with mac n cheese (Journey Vergara)Friend groups add another level of difficulty when you’re trying to get to know people. Personally, because of how much I used to move, I was always the new kid, and trying to find your place with people who already have so many existing memories with each other can feel impossible.

Forming friendships is something I don’t think I’ll ever fully get ahold of. We as people are constantly searching for the love and support of other people. Putting yourself out there is never easy, and often it backfires. Some people are only meant to temporarily be in our lives, but some people are also meant to stay. Forming meaningful relationships will always be worth it. Once you really click with someone, you realize all the struggle you went through before was worth it. Everyone is worth knowing, everyone is deserving of love, you just have to give some people a chance; you never know who you might meet.