Hi, as you already know, I’m Lazarus. I’m 17 and a self taught artist if this is the first piece you stumble on of mine.

This piece was actually a sort of “self-loathing” piece, I made this for several reasons. Some were small reasons, like I wanted to practice a new medium, others were reasons like I needed to express myself – I required a moment to just grasp and hold the pain I had felt at the time and moved it over to a brush soaked in pale colors that at the time didn’t really make sense. I took the emotions and quite literally splattered it on my canvas – and I ended up loving the way it made me feel so I dedicated another 5 hours to a digital version. (AN – honestly it was probably longer, but we’ll say 5 hours so I look a little more sane for one art piece)

This piece gave me a sense of closure, not because I understand it and that’s the end of said feelings but because it leaves me to believe that whatever I feel, is indeed real and that there are plenty others that may even resonate with it as much as I did, there are indeed people that may wonder the same things I wonder.

I will say, this piece is an interpretive piece. While I have a personal meaning and attachment to it, I love hearing others ideations of the piece. Common words I’ve heard in association were: “loss,” “blinded,” “forgetting.” In a way, I think if you admire art, at least from past interactions, you may feel associated with words alike.

The piece itself, for me, reminds me of “brain fog” and derealization. The concept of being too filled with thoughts, concepts, and worries that you slowly loose track of yourself. You forget and loose sight of the person you are or were, you become so infatuated with life that you neglect yourself. You do things that leave you to either forget yourself – questioning your humanity, or you’re left to wonder if this is all some lucid dream, you may start to forget your own face. Maybe not just figuratively. (I say this, because for me too, this was a vague transition piece, as around this time I started questioning my “manly-ness”.)

I used myself as the muse, I did the pose myself, and I just let myself go buck wild. The piece itself has yet no name – I couldn’t come up with a name that spoke the right volume for it. Either it was underwhelming or overwhelming, the names I thought of. Maybe one day, but for now it’s a piece of many aspects. A piece with no name, but a piece with much meaning.

Here’s and estimate on how long I spent on this:

Watercolors (canvas vers.) – Approx. 3hrs

Digital – Approx. 5hrs.

Additional (store runs) – Approx. 1hr

I’ll share the watercolor version, then the digital, and finally the filtered version. 🙂

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!